Sunday, December 20, 2009


Well, Casey's Christmas vacation started off early and with a bang! But not a good bang.

Friday was his last day of school, and as anyone can recall, the Friday before Christmas is usually fun and not overly productive. Casey was looking forward to watching a Christmas video at the end of school with several classes. I'm sure snacks were to be involved. I was looking forward to shopping and spending as little time working as I possibly get by with, which is what I was doing when my phone rang.

It was school. I was hoping it was just his teacher calling to thank me for the gift I sent in. But the tone of her voice while greeting me made me ask "What happened?".

She proceeded to tell me how when he came into class that morning, one of the parapros told him to do something and he said something that sounds like "Pluck my Venus!". Yeah, it's what you're thinking! Yeah, that's bad.

I gasped, feigned shock, and just went back quickly in mind, trying to recall where the hell he had heard that line! Dad doesn't walk around saying it, out loud, and we are pretty cautious about what we watch on TV in front of him, and most things we watch wouldn't have that line in it! Only once place.... Internet.

His teacher then asks me what other things I think would be a good punishment. I told her I often tell him that he better watch his mouth at school because if he doesn't he'll have to go to the principle's office (a lot of good that did). I told her maybe a visit there might help. She agreed, but went on to say that she felt this sort of behavior should be punished at home as well. I agreed.

I went on to say, not taking any of the blame from him, I would also like them to find out what is causing him to act this way when he comes in. He has had a few incidences in the morning but nothing this bad. But there is something causing him to be, well, belligerent in the morning, and you would have thought they might have tried to figure this out themselves. She said they would research it after the holidays.

In the meantime, she let me know that I should do something at home to punish him as well. Thanks for the suggestion... pfffff. Usually, I sorta feel like what happens in school should be punished at school. I guess she was right, but boy, getting all your fun taken away on the last day before vacation sure seems punishment enough to me, considering they hadn't really tried to help the initial problem with mornings to begin with.

So, I said something about taking computer away for the day when he got home. I could feel her waiting on the end of the line, and I felt pressured to say "or the weekend!?". She felt that was sufficient. Okay.

About 20 minutes later, she called again. She told me they had taken him to the office, much to his chagrin, and that when the principle found out about all that happened decided he would have a half day in-school suspension, and then was to be picked up and taken home!

Wait a minute! Wait one darn minute! I meant for the whole Principal dealie to be sort of a "scared straight" scenario!!!!! I didn't mean for it to be a life altering experience that would leave a stain on his record! Geeze o' peete! She said I needed to come get him after his suspension.

A bit exasperated at this point and not feeling like getting into a big "thing" on this day, I asked "What time?".

His Dad and I decided we would take computer away, at least Friday and Saturday and keep things low key, not a lot of outings, but a lot of talk about why he lost his favorite privilege in the whole world.

This story could go on and on, but to shorten an already long post, I'll finish up by saying, I got him, he seemed ashamed. He cried when he found out he lost his computer. Friday was rough, Saturday was better after some visuals were provided explaining why and what for. And quite honestly, it was pleasant to have his full attention and watch him do some things that he doesn't usually pursue, ie Wii and a few toys.

I know his saying such an offensive and sexual line was bad. I know that. Coming from the perspective that I don't want him to get suspended again, fired from a job, or worse yet, arrested someday, for saying such offensive stuff, I realize this is something that we need to get him to know he just can't do. But at the same time, I kinda feel like this could have been better handled in school. I think that if he had stayed, and had to sit in the "team" room during the festivities, knowing he was missing them, he would have realized that what he had done was so wrong! I think that would have worked much better than coming home and laying around all afternoon in his comfy room.

So in the grand scheme of things, such occurrences may take a village to resolve, but somehow, this side of the village seemed to get the brunt of that job!


mama edge said...

Oy! I had a similar experience some years ago: Taz's first verbal outburst involved him telling a teacher "Blow me." Thankfully, Taz's teachers felt that what happens in school shculd be addressed at school. They gave him a consequence, then wrote social stories about appropriate language and consequences for him. For my part, I did all that I could to limit Taz's exposure to foul language (unfortunately, his dad does not follow suit, and then there's always the pesky problem of his exposure to other kids, who say the darnedest things).

If Casey's like my Taz, this is going to be an ongoing problem. When Taz explodes, he has zero impulse control and tends to go for the most offensive utterances he can find in his memory banks.

Good luck!

Jen said...

I would feel the school didn't handle that well. You said they don't seem interested in dealing with this situation, would the teacher listen if you came up with a plan for future incidences? Its so hard when you can't get support from the people who spend a lot of the day with your child. Good luck:) Jen

DJ Kirkby said...

Oh dear...cringe. x

Casdok said...

Yes oh dear. Could have been mush better handled.

Anonymous said...

You just didn't want to be inconvenienced by having to deal with Casey rather than shuttling him off to mess around with the computer.
The filthy talk should be addressed at school and at home. He learned the unacceptable phase at home, right? Never mind that it was the big bad internet that's to blame, as his mother you should be monitoring what sites he's visiting. I'm not saying you have to stand behind him every second he's on the computer, but you can at least stroll by and check it out every now and then and you can check the history of where he's been. How about using parental control of some sort so he can't sneak off to Polly Porn's Porno Parlor when he's supposed to be watching cartoons?
The fact that he kept it a secret from you and didn't announce that he found a cool new site with grown up women doing cool things with ponies shows that he knew it was wrong. He also knew the proper way to use the phrase: to a female when he didn't feel like complying with her request that he do work.
Not that he's evil, but he's not a dazed innocent; he acted like a less canny neurotypical boy and as such he needed to he corrected right away at school and at home and not a day later.
Too many parents gripe that the schools should handle things that they don't want to be bothered with. I think it should be a partnership, with the parents doing the brunt of the work because it's their job to teach kids right from wrong.

Bonnie said...

Dear Anonymous, why don't you ever reveal yourself? I feel that if you don't, then your comments mean nothing, especially when you're so accusatory. Thanks for nothing. When I know who you are then I'll take your comments with a grain of salt