Friday, June 26, 2009

Can't ya just have fun?



Casey and I popped over to the local carnival last night, a bit spur of the moment. We had planned to go swimming indoors, despite his doing so at camp yesterday and the rain that had sorta stirred me away from going to the carnival had actually disappeared. The sky was clear and the air was noticeably dryer and cooler. Who could resist...

We had a nice time. He suddenly wanted to go on more rides than he did last year, and he wanted to play the hokey games! I brought a 20 dollar bill, assuming we would buy a treat and listen to music after walking around, as we always have in years past. This sudden interest in all the things carnival was new, interesting, and frustrating since I was an idiot and didn't pull more out of the ATM.

I managed to have enough for us to get a funnel cake, go on the old fashioned cars, and play one game which he lost of course 'CAUSE THEY' RE RIGGED I TELL YA!!!

Sorry... Anyway, as we walked I couldn't help but get that sad, regretful feeling about all the kids that looked around Casey's age strolling the grounds in packs, laughing, teasing the opposite sex, going on the big rides, having the times of their lives. And here's Casey, walking around with his boring mother.


I began to resent these kids, resent their normalcy. I began to wonder if Casey would ever have friends to walk around a carnival with sans supervision. Could he ever walk around a carnival sans supervision? Will he ever experience life as it should be for a kid, fun, free, an adventure of sorts?

Basking in my "feeling sorry for myself" attitude like a corn dog in hot grease, we passed a mom pushing her son in a wheelchair. The boy was in his teens and looked like he might have severe cerebral palsy. His limbs were crooked and very uncomfortable looking, tight. His neck was turned so that his head was positioned to the side. Your heart would go out immediately if you saw him.

But, he was smiling and eating cotton candy. He looked happy despite his obvious disability and discomfort. He was simply enjoying the carnival. I looked over at the tall, strapping boy lopping along side of me and thought "He suddenly wanted to go on more rides than he did last year, and he wanted to play the hokey games!"

Fun is in the eye of the beholder I guess......and clearly, my boy and the cotton candy muncher weren't seeing what I was seeing....

At that, I told myself "Get over it!".

9 comments:

kristina said...

Wow, really needed to read this---have been thinking a lot about how Charlie might feel stuck spending summer days with his two boring-parents. Fun is fun-----and how much less boring are some of those trying-to-be-so-cool tweens?

mama edge said...

Thank you. Perspective is always a gift.

Bobbi said...

Awww! I feel lucky that he likes to hold my hand and be with me, but there are times I feel the same way.

Mother of Chaos said...

Wow. Great insight - it's so hard to keep that perspective sometimes. We think OUR version of Happy is THE version of Happy...but it's not.

Osh said...

I understand exactly...this summer is the first that Evan really has friends to do things on his own with.

Bittersweet!

Crystal said...

I know how you feel. I ask myself that a lot. But then, like you, you see someone worse off. Great post! Are you a biomed mom?

claire p said...

I'm with you. Sometimes I look at Jamie and worry so much. But he's sooooo happy, and loves life soooo much. Actually, right now, I envy him his detachment from reality. There are things going on in the world, and our lives, that I'm very glad he has no concept of.

Drama Mama said...

hi there - just visiting for the first time - and yes, i feel the same way at times. the perspective is good. thanks for sharing it with us.

mommy~dearest said...

Great post. :)