Thursday, April 17, 2008


I just wanted to do a brief commentary on staring. I think of all the reprucussions of Casey's Autism, staring from the general public is my biggest pet peeve, and irritation. And I tell ya right now, I don't care if people are just "curious", I don't care if his actions warrant a stare or two, I don't care if children stare at everything, I don't care. This is my blog, and I am going to rant to the point of political incorrectness and disregard for general humaness if I want to!

The reason that prompted me to write this was because last night at the pool, Case was talking, to himself mind you, but talking non the less. The pool action kinda brings that out in him. He likes doing it, it's fun for him, and will be something we will try to stifle as he gets to be 6'4 and is trying to do the newscast to himself. Yes, I know it's weird to the outsider, I know. But ok, when one is 10 or 11 years old, and especially a girl, who is naturally socially ept, don't ya think that would trigger something in your brain that maybe this boy might be different? Maybe, just maybe, I shouldnt' stare? Did my parents teach me that it is RUDE to stare in general, and especially if someone is displaying an odd behaviour? And isn't it especially rude to stare and then look at one's friend and do a "that kid is a freak" expression? That's what happened last night. We get a lot of stares at the pool, probably because of the close quarters, excessive lighting, extreme goofiness that the swimming brings out in him.

Casey has a funny gait when he walks, he bounces a bit, usually holding out his arms oddly, sometimes not. And we get stares, and not just from children, but from adults who most certainly know better! Clearly, the kid has something going! Oh the stare stories I could tell...and I will!

One evening stands out clearly in my mind, speaking of a adults and their staring habits. A woman who was sitting on the sidelines of the pool (the pool again) was literally having a stare fest at the expense of Case. Ok, he was loping back and forth in the shallow end oddly, getting used to the water, holding his ears and talking in reaction to the overabundance of auditory stimuli in the place. He looked funny, I know he did, but it's his thing to get used to the pool, and this routine makes for a happier time. This woman knew he looked funny too, and thus, she was staring. But everytime I glanced over after I became aware of her glare, I found that she was still glaring, and staring, and glaring! She had surpassed her staring alottment. I give people about one or two good stares, but after that, I need to say something! And so, I approached her and said "Do you know us?". Stunned, she looked blankly and said in a rather offended voice "No!". I said in my most pleasant and condescending manner "Oh, because you keep staring at him as if you know him!"..ha ha....She got her back up (why seem pissed one when is not guilty?) and responded "I wasn't staring!". "Yeah, you were, alot, so I thought maybe you knew him or us."I says. Well, the staring stopped and she looked away without responding. Maybe I was out of line, but I felt so much better.

Anyway, I have no point or purpose to this post other to vent, and hope that someone can relate. I hate staring! I think it should be taught at school that it is inappropriate, especially if you even get the littlest inkling that the subject you are staring at might be a bit different.

Maybe I'm giving folks too much credit! Perhaps, people are just stupid as a whole. Don't defend human kind in the comments section, it won't help my outlook, and it makes me feel better if I just think that. I suppose if I was a better person, I would offer people explanations for my son's behaviour that causes them to stare. But then, I shouldn't have to......


Marla said...

Staring sucks. We don't have this problem too often but when we do and when there are comments made it always upsets M and me.

My oldest sister had a stroke at age six and looked differently after that. People stared then and they still do. As a kid it was very hard for her and even me. I would often yell at people who were staring at her. I tried all kinds of things to make people stop. Amazingly enough, the adults were and still are the worst.Apparently a lot of people don't know manners!

kristi said...

Yep, we experience this too! I look at the people, smile and go on..usually!

Sandy Fox said...

Bon-don't ever feel like you need to apologize or feel that you may have done the wrong thing because you stuck up for your kid. That is how I look at your reaction to the adult woman staring at your child. People need to be reminded of their manners. It sounds like you could have been a lot more unpleasant and in her face.

I never really consider staring one way or the other. It is not a topic that comes up in my everyday life so I am glad to hear about it from your perspective.